Looking at the date of my last post, it's challenging not to criticize myself. The thing is, my inner critic does not appear to be aligned with my higher purpose. My inner critic appears mean. That, my friends, is judgement on my part. All I need to do is shift my perspective. I ask myself, "why show up as mean?" If everything is happening for my highest good at any given time, and I do believe this, my inner critic is simply challenging me. That voice I perceive as mean might simply be giving me the straight goods, especially when I'm being lazy.
Last year, a theme that wove through most of my experiences was alignment. The healers I met on my journey through 2018 told me I wasn't in alignment with my body. I focused on this and I became realigned, reunited, grounded. What I'm noticing is that this has become a part of my practice. If I feel off kilter, I turn inwards for answers:
What part of me is misaligned in this moment?
What part of me needs love in this moment?
What would serve the wellness of this part of me in this moment?
Bounce-back to my natural state of joy has never been more efficient. I'm in awe of what present moment awareness offers. Attention to self-care has shown up several times a day and I've been taking a lot more baths, which elevates every part of my wellness, especially my happiness. What small things can you do more of to elevate your wellness, your happiness?
Since it's a New Year, I've set some goals and intentions. I feel mentally ignited and physically weary from the festivities, indulgence, and overall bustle of the holiday season. It's an interesting paradox and I'm leveraging my mental fire. I'm happily spending lots of time alone, learning, studying, meditating, contemplating, integrating.
One of my commitments for 2019 is a daily practice and year-long study of A Course in Miracles. Last night before I fell asleep, I read a quote that really got my attention. I read it again this morning, several times. I wrote it down twice in my journal. It sparked something in me, reminding me that it's not about union. It's about reunion.
"Perfect love casts out fear
If fear exists
there is not perfect love
But:
Only perfect love exists
If there is fear
It produces a state that does not exist.
If you believe this, you will be free"
- from A Course in Miracles
If this is true, it's about remembering. Remembering that we belong to one another. There is no need for anything that separates us. No reason for fear.
Reuniting.
Realigning.
Returning.
Taking all this into consideration, last year was actually about realignment. I've always been whole; I'd simply forgotten how that feels. This whole human experience has had me in deep contemplation for many years. Trying to understand it, piece things together by studying many texts and many faiths, and most recently, seeking answers from within by spending more time on my cushion in meditation and zazen. A word that comes to mind is wonderment...everything around us is there for us to experience.
This morning I realized the compost needed to be taken out and I thought to myself, I'll put that on my list of things to do today.
Pattern interrupt.
Instead, I took it out in that moment. I find it curious yet not surprising that this is a metaphor for how I'd like to live my life. Bringing organics back to the earth to be reunited from whence they came seems the same as finding ways to continuously realign with my purpose. Waiting for that moment to jump in & take action when the timing perfectly fits is simply not who I am, even though I've spent so much time living in this way.
The answers are always within reach to the real questions, sometimes in the compost bucket, so I've just learned. Maybe, like the quote above from A Course in Miracles, if the answer that feels right in your heart, your blood, your bones, is not readily available, perhaps the question isn't relevant or real.
I've attempted for so long to fit what I do into this temporal, human-made construct when who I am is whimsical, free, and creative. I decided a few weeks ago that my theme for 2019 would be adventure. Focusing on this has brought me here, to this moment. I've already had some pretty spectacular experiences, both inward and outward.
Adventure has led me right here.
Realignment. Reunion. Rejuvenated.
Rejoicing.
May you find ways to be in the magic of the present moment to bring more abundance into your life. Happy 2019! <3