Updated: Oct 9, 2018
"When you are constantly judging things as right or wrong, good or bad, you create a lot of turbulence in your internal dialogue. This turbulence constricts the flow of energy between you and the field of pure potentiality. In the silent space between your thoughts is a state of pure awareness, an inner stillness the connects you to true power." Deepak Chopra
The other day, I had to remind myself to send out love. I was browsing for bits and bobs for my 2018 Hallowe'en costume. Hallowe'en is one my favourite celebrations and I so enjoy taking the time to put together a costume. Searching for treasures in a local thrift store, one bag on my shoulder and another in hand, I did take up a little more space than usual. A woman pushed past me; from my perspective there was plenty of space and the physical contact was not necessary.
My immediate judgment was "how rude" followed by more unsavoury internal dialogue.
I stopped myself from giving her a dirty look and I have to admit it took some composure. I paused for a moment, took a deep breath and softened my face. This is not how I wish to show up in the world. This is a moment to remember, I told myself. I'm having an amazing day. I'm well and I have everything I need, including plenty of love.
As someone who avoids conflict like the plague, I perceive certain behaviours, regardless of whether they are intentional or not, as aggressive. With my face soft, I turned to look at the woman who'd pushed past me and intentionally sent her love. She was immersed in the articles of clothing she was looking at and did not appear to notice me at all.
It's incredible the meaning we attach to our experiences. When my marriage ended in 2016, I went through a gauntlet of emotions, self-deprecation/judgment, along with a generous helping of victim mentality. Fortunately, we live in an abundant universe and before long, I was able to remind myself that every moment contains lessons and blessings should we choose this perspective. We humans constantly seek meaning, seek to understand, seek the answer to the big question "why."
Taking responsibility means different things to different people. Judgments will happen. They will surface and taking responsibility in the land of all things Rachel means catching those judgments before they manifest. I was so close to spewing disdain without any information other than my own experience. Judgments prevent us from connecting in expansive ways. They are limiting, to our love, our creativity, our potential.
Because my belief system is rooted in expansiveness and abundance, it doesn't serve me to act through judgment. Going out on a limb, I'd like to say it doesn't serve anyone and through this statement, I risk passing judgment about what is best for each of you. You are the CEO of your own life and you'll decide how you wish to show up. My intention is to lead myself through love and hold space for others to do the same, however that manifests.
Think of a time recently when you found yourself judging.
How did you perceive the other person's behaviour?
What was your thought process like and were your thoughts intentional, reactive...?
How did you respond?
What did you learn?
What is your brand of integrity and were your actions aligned with this?
If you could relive this situation, how could you more fully be in integrity with yourself, your values, your beliefs, how you wish to show up in the world?
The next time you find yourself in a space of judgment, I have a little challenge for you. Turn that judgment into love. Understand that you are not in that other person's body or mind, and this is your opportunity to be on brand with your own integrity.
Sometimes, when I'm having the best day ever, a single word or gesture from a complete stranger can completely turn that around. That's on me. The woman in the thrift store barely noticed me and may not realize how much she taught me about myself in that moment. Stepping into gratitude, I am reminded that we are all here to learn and teach one another. We continuously get in our own way by giving power away and by forgetting to align with ourselves. Self love is a practice of knowing ourselves deeply. Healing starts with each of us and we need to stop hurting ourselves in order to shine our brightest light.
Judgment is fleeting. Love is our essence. There are universes in between the 2. Only you can decide the space within which you wish to dance.
I'll meet you wherever you're at and I'll love the crap out of you no matter what. xoxo