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procrastination + perfection = distraction

My journey from pen to paper to typed, grammatically perfect, succinct and impactful literature has led me to this moment of deep contemplation. I'm challenging myself to freely write this post, unedited, unplanned, and completely spontaneous. And what a challenge it is!

While I love having a piece that sings literary excellence (and I wonder if that thought makes sense to anyone but me), I love the freedom of expressing joyFULLY in the moment whatever it is that is on my mind. I have a very active imagination and thoughts are always dancing around in my mind, ready to ride a wave of conscious awareness, pure potential ready to manifest in the physical realm. I live in this space for much of my time and for this reason, I find myself more in contemplation and less in action. One of the actions I am committing to is sharing through written word and the more I contemplate, the deeper I get into my thoughts and the less I spend here on planet earth doing something with my creative gifts.

This combination of the dreamworld I create in my mind that has endless places I can wander paired with my desire to share my creative gifts in such a perfect way distracts me from doing. The doing in the sense of sharing creative thoughts is so much less mandatory than the doing of tasks that simply need doing. Tasks such as chores, work, wellness needs. I wonder. I wonder why I give priority to items on a checklist and yet my own unbridled joy takes a backseat. Very curious. The distractions of these every day tasks + getting lost in my mind + my commitment to continuous growth has me stalled. What does one do when their car stalls? Turn the key in the ignition. And go.

Looking at the date of my last post, I know I have not been lazy. What happens on the surface is an indication of something else happening underneath. I am busy making myself busy because I am afraid to write. I am afraid not of what you, the beautiful being reading this will think. I am afraid of my own inner critic. I am afraid that I will not come close to reaching my ridiculous standards that I hold only myself to. I am also afraid because what I have to say, once it's on paper, in a sense, becomes immortal. I love having the freedom to change my mind and sometimes it scares me how fiercely I commit to my own words. I can rip up a piece of paper I don't like...

How can I reframe this for myself? How can I change my own wild mind?

What I am learning as I continue to navigate human experience in this iteration of my being is that I actually love the accountability that comes along with putting something into the digital stratosphere. Simultaneously, it scares me. Sometimes, I so desperately need to understand things and have a clear plan and know the exact chronology of events to unfold that I live life like a checklist. I learned how to do this to navigate stress, using logic strategically so I don't have to think creatively. Having come out of a stressful relationship a few years ago that I do need to declare was stressful for us both, there are remnants of my survivalist tendencies popping up where I least expect. There's absolutely no need to "survive" my creativity; treating creativity like a checklist only stagnates it. My reframe is the title of a book by Susan Jeffers that I read years ago: "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway."

My wild mind needs to understand that fear in the realm of creative expression is there to alert me that I am:

  • on the verge of a breakthrough/lesson/learning

  • on the brink of having a new experience

  • unlocking something I am ready to release

  • procrastinating, seeking perfection

  • ready to identify my distractions

  • resisting and it's time to surrender and flow

In my mind, procrastination and perfection = distraction. This is how I do not share my light with the world.

  1. How are you not sharing your light with the world and what is 1 small thing you can do to change that?

  2. What prevents you from creative expression?

  3. How can you dig in and reframe that for yourself?

  4. What's one thing you can do today to express yourself creatively?